


Delivery Gone Awry

by blktauna



Category: Fawlty Towers
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-22
Updated: 2004-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 05:19:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1633595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blktauna/pseuds/blktauna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sibyl takes delivery of a package that isn't hers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Delivery Gone Awry

**Author's Note:**

> Written for estrella30

"Yes Audrey... no... no...no... really? no... no... Left you again? No...no..."

Sibyl was having her usual 10:30 phone conversation with her best mate Audrey. She stared off into space, thinking of Richard Chamberlin and King Solomon's Mines while listening to Audrey rehash the morning's events.

"Hello? Shop? Anyone here?" the delivery-man poked his head in the front door.

"Can I help you?" Sibyl put on her posh voice and appreciatively eyed the large, well built delivery-man. Her hand went over the mouthpiece of the phone but Audrey's voice still carried through.

"Reckon you could, my dear..." He winked at her.

They both started to laugh, in a heaving, equine sort of way. The delivery-man plopped a small box on the desk.

"Here we go love, T. Banks. Sign here."

"Imagine that, She's just arrived from Amsterdam. I didn't think she'd been in long enough to order anything up from Hoopers."

"Well you ladies can shop and talk and do lord knows what all at the same time, can't ya?"

"It's the lord knows what that gets us the shopping you cheeky thing..."

They both snorted in unison. Sibyl took the clipboard and signed, batting her eyes at the delivery-man while doing so.

He winked at her as he took it back. Audrey was still nattering on.

"Yes Audrey... no... no...no... really? no... no... No.. he didn't...no..."

*******************

Basil hurriedly got himself to the front door as soon as he saw the van from Hooper's in the drive. Unfortunately it was too late, the delivery-man was on his way out. He had cleverly addressed his newest consignment of prohibited cigars to the non existent T. Banks. He'd be charged with returning the things to the store when no T. Banks emerged. He could then enjoy them in peace, without his harpy of a wife telling him how foul they smelled. He hovered near the door to see if the fellow had actually gone.

"Basil, do stop lurking by the door."

The sound of her nasal voice nearly had him out of his skin.

"Sibyl dearest, I am not lurking..."

"You're lurking. Now please get away from the door and stop frightening the guests."

Sibyl went back to carefully polishing her nails. Basil paced nervously.

"Have there been any deliveries, my angel?" he tried to smile endearingly, but it came out a pained grimace.

"Basil what is wrong with you?"

"Nothing dear, nothing... What's that?"

"It s a package Basil, for Mrs. Banks." She patted it.

Basil blanched. "Banks?"

"Yes Banks, Number 12... Basil, why have you gone white?"

"Nothing, nothing my sweet... my angel... There's a Banks in Number 12?"

"Yes Basil. Mrs. T. Banks is how she's signed the register. Funny how she's not even here a whole day and already she's got a delivery from Hooper's."

Basil lunged for the box. Sibyl smoothly moved it from his grasp and glared. "Basil!"

"I'll just take it up shall I..."

"No, Basil. I'll give it to her when she comes back in."

Basil looked pained as Sibyl took the package into their small office, shutting the door in his face.

*******************

"Manuel... Manuel..." he grabbed the little Spaniard by the arm and dragged him into the empty dining room. "Go into the office and get the box from Mrs. Fawlty."

"Que?"

"Get the box marked T. Banks from the claws of the dragon woman."

"Dragon? Mr. Fawlty?"

"Look, Manuel... just go to office... get the square box from Mrs. Fawlty and bring it to me." Each step was accompanied by a mime of the appropriate action, or a near proximity of it.

"Yes Mr. Fawlty."

Manuel nodded enthusiastically but there was no light on comprehension in his eyes. He scurried off towards the office murmuring "tbanks... tbanks... "

"Yes... I speak English..." he made mocking faces and growled as he stalked off. "Should send you back to bloody Barcelona... on a stick."

*******************

Manuel sneaked into the office while Sibyl spoke to Polly at the desk.

"Tbanks... Tbanks... I must get right for Mr. Fawlty..." He went right to the lower desk drawer and retrieved Sibyl's stash of special tea, the ones in the little sachets. He grinned happily and sneaked back out into bar.

"Manuel... Manuel... Take this into the kitchen..."

Sibyl handed him her teacup and continued her conversation with Polly concerning that evening's dinner.

"Well I was thinking perhaps the chicken cordon bleu and the fish. What with everyone eating so light on account of the weather..."

Manuel took the cup and scurried off.

*******************

Basil paced in the kitchen. As soon as Manuel came in, the cup went flying and Basil had him by the lapels.

"Well!" he shouted.

Manuel grinned weakly and held up Sibyl's tea. He watched in amazement as all the blood in Basil's body rushed to his face and neck. He practically glowed red.

"Tea bags? Not a box of tea bags you dago dunce... I said T. Banks... Banks... Now get back in there and get the right bloody box!"

He frog marched Manuel to the kitchen door and summarily heaved him out into the lobby.

*******************

Manuel flew past Polly and Sibyl, unnoticed, as they speculated on the contents of the mysterious delivery.

"Hooper's... I wonder what it is?" Polly looked at it wistfully, thinking of nice frocks and jewellery.

"Don't know.... Can't imagine what Number 12 would be getting there. She seems a bit on the frumpy side for getting gifts from there...."

"How big is it?"

Sibyl gave a fairly accurate appraisal using the register and a pencil. Polly's eyebrows knitted. The size seemed familiar but she wasn't sure why. "That's too small for a frock... "

"And too large for jewellery."

"Unless it's a very large piece of jewellery..."

"Oh she's definitely not the type for that..." Sibyl began snorting in that knowing way.

*******************

Manuel skulked back into the office, trying very hard not to make noise. He stood in the middle of the room clutching his towel in fear and scanning for a box. Nothing came immediately into view. He started scrabbling under the papers on the desk and found the box. The label clearly read T. Banks. He took it up and snuck back into the bar. He tried desperately to get Basil's attention, but he couldn't quite see him in the kitchen. He couldn't go back into the lobby or Polly and Mrs. Fawlty would see him. He started clucking, hoping Mr. Fawlty would hear.

*******************

Polly looked over Sibyl's shoulder when she heard odd noises coming from the bar. Manuel was clutching the package for Number 12 and bouncing in place. He seemed to be trying to get Basil's attention.

"Mr. Fawlty..." She tried to call him over but he was facing away.

At that point a flurry of guests came in; loud and in good spirits.

"Mrs. Banks... Halooo..." Sibyl began waving at the very tall, cigar smoking woman.

It then dawned on Polly why the Hooper's box looked so familiar. It was the same size as Basil's contraband cigars. She ran to the kitchen and tried to pull him out.

"Polly, get away from me. Can't you see I'm trying to get the dinner menu sorted?"

"Mr. Fawlty... You're needed in the lobby... Mrs. Banks has come in and Sibyl's trying to flag her down..."

Basil still tried to brush her off.

"She's smoking a cigar..."

Basil's head snapped around and he glared at her.

"It looks to be a familiar brand as well..." she hinted.

With a flurry of arms and legs, Basil tore into the lobby and smack into the lady in question.

"Basil, do be careful! Don't mind my husband, he's an idiot."

"Yes dearest... er... " he stared at the woman's cigar.

In the moment's lull, everyone noticed Manuel.

"Manuel, what _are_ you doing?" Sibyl watched in amazement as he tried his best to catch Basil's attention, by waving in what he probably thought was a discreet manner.

"Don't mind him he's from Barcelona..."

"Ahhh he's got your parcel. I'll just get it for you shall I?"

Sibyl came from behind the counter and tried to prise the package from Manuel's grip. However, Manuel had his orders and was not going to give the box to anyone but Basil. He and Sibyl played push pull with it until Basil's piggy eyes zeroed in it and calculated the loss involved. He lunged forward. Panic lent Basil strength and he finally got the thing away from Sibyl and Manuel. However it also sent him flying into the arms of the amazonian Mrs. Banks.

"What's this then? For me? Brilliant!" she bellowed.

She patted Basil's cheek and tore into the wrappings, revealing the box of cigars. He whimpered in disappointment as she hooted happily and tucked them under her arm.

"I shall enjoy these later. My favourite brand you know!"

She turned and went up the stairs like a clipper under full sail. Basil clawed after her but was restrained by Polly and Manuel. When he finally just collapsed in tears mumbling 'there goes 40 pound...' They dragged him to his room. Sibyl simply smiled.


End file.
